2024 in Summary...
The good, the bad, and the therapy
2024 was the year that was fine, until it wasn't. At least that's how it felt to me. Myself and a lot of my friends here in the United States spent the end of the year feeling rather depressed. I don't want this to be a political post, so I'll just say that people who care about human rights, economic fairness and climate change were disappointed to find out that we are in the minority.
It really sucks to realize so many people disagree with you on a fundamental level, and for over 2 months I felt depressed and didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything. I almost didn't write this post, but something inside me told me I should do it anyway. So I did the exercise--I took inventory of all the things I've experienced, learned, and achieved--and I was surprised to find that there was a lot of good in my 2024! 🙂 This may not be the glowing review that we'd hoped for, but on a personal level there was actually a lot of good.
Made a Personal Website
Just a year ago I could never have imagined that the old internet was somehow secretly alive. Then I found out about this thing called the "small web" where regular people were making personal websites, completely unplugged from social media like it was still 1999. I was immediately interested, and I knew I had to get involved.
Back in July I put up a placeholder site just to get something online, although I still had no idea about what I wanted to upload or even what my online identity would be. This was the start of a huge learning experience for me. I learned about CSS and static site generation as I slowly converted the default sadgrl template into my own design and theme. Then in a dream I came up with the fursona of Ixion. This inspired me to pick up my old art skills and try to draw a portrait. I scanned some of my old childhood art to use as content and uploaded the new site in September.
In October I participated in my first community event at the 32-bit cafe. It was the Halloween Event, with the goal to make a "trick or treat" page. For some reason, I completely overshot the goal and decided to make a videogame instead 😅. In hindsight this was... not smart™. I used every waking hour trying to finish, and ended up making the actual trick or treat page (the only part that was required) on submission day. But overall it was tremendously satisfying to finish a small game just for fun. I would definitely do it again, but I would give myself more time. And regarding these 32-bit events I think I'll try to stay a little more on script :P
Started Therapy
Last year I started seeing a therapist. This has been a huge benefit to me, and I would recommend it to anyone who is a human being. (probably good for non-humans too)
My personal therapist is trained in IFS, so a lot of our work has been getting to know the parts of myself that have been there all along but might I might not have been aware of. I've had many moments of catharsis and self discovery through this process. She was also the first person that I ever heard say out loud "You have childhoood trauma" and "You were abused as a child". I think part of me knew this, but hearing it from someone else is a life changing experience.
I've been getting to know myself and learning to listen to my feelings and my needs. I've also been paying attention to how I spend my time and how that does (or doesn't) align with my priorities in life. This is still the beginning of a journey but I've already come a long way just last year.
Diagnosed
Last year I was officially diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, and depression. This has been a long time coming. My partner Ellie suggested I should take an online Autism test near the end of 2023. That started me doing a lot of research and learning about the experiences of autistic authors and content creators. I can remember moments where I broke down crying after hearing someone describe the exact same experiences of feeling like an alien during childhood, and I started to realize there might be other people out there who were weird like me. I'm well into my thirties, and nobody ever told me I might be autistic. I was always just "weird".
My therapist referred me to a psycologist who could do the assessment. I'm fortunate enough that the whole thing was covered by my insurance but I understand that's not the case for many people out there. It took a few months to get my assessment. The actual test took almost 4 hours and I was pretty tired by the end of it. When I came back to hear the results, I thought I might get emotional. But instead, I just had a feeling of relief. I had spent nearly a year doing research and learning about myself, and this just confirmed something I already knew--I'm autistic and I have sensory issues.
Sensory Kit
I made a sensory kit for myself! This has been a huge game changer. I didn't realize how much loud environment and bright lights can destroy my mental state without protection.
My Sensory Kit:
- noise cancelling headphones (Sony XM5)
- earplugs (loop earplugs)
- sunglasses
- hat
- fidget toy (ono roller)
Now I don't leave the house without it. The noise cancelling headphones in particular are a life-saver for situations where my brain would otherwise shut down. Would highly recommend for anyone with sensory issues.
Personalized My Room
I bought a purple carpet! This is a big deal because I've never really had a room with personality before. Last year, I wanted to commit to it so I bought a new desk, rearranged my entire room, bought a blue futon couch and a big purple carpet! My room already has so much more personality and I actually enjoy being in the space!
Went out and did stuff!
Back in the pandemic I became a hermit. I basically didn't leave the house for any reason unless I had to. Staying inside, ordering food, watching TV, and playing videogames became the norm.
Last year I was gently reminded by my partner Ellie that the outside world exists and that maybe we should go outside and do something. We started visiting a local bar where people dress in cosplay and celebrate their fandom of Star Wars, Star Trek, Sailor Moon etc. It's a very geeky scene, very LGBT friendly, and we fit right in. There's also a decent number of polyamorous people there, which was a nice change because we didn't really have any other friends who were poly before then. We've both made a lot of friends and now it's our new hangout spot! I even made my own horns for an imp cosplay during the Hasbin Hotel night! I also found out that I look pretty good in eyeliner, and subsequently got hit on at a gay bar (no thanks but I enjoyed the compliment 😁).
Speaking of cosplay, I put together an outfit for Ren Fair last year. I had gone a few years ago, but never in costume. This time I was inspired by Link's outfit from Breath of the Wild, and Ellie assembled a beautiful fairy outfit complete with iridescent wings! It took some effort but I enjoyed putting our outfits together and seeing everyone dressed up at the fair! 😊🧚
Started Dating Again
I took a break from dating at the end of 2023. It was following a bad experience, and I had decided to take some time to learn more about myself before putting myself out there again. Working on this website has actually been a great way to explore and affirm my identity. After my diagnosis I started to feel more confident about myself. I had been flirting with a friend for a few months, but so far nothing had happened. Finally in november we started dating. It's been fun! And kissing is a good way to cheer each other up. 😁
Ellie and I had stopped dating too (we live together but hadn't been on a "real" date in a while). Therapy showed me I wanted to make a change, so I started planning dates with her. We went to an aquarium and I touched a stingray! (It was slimy) We also had an experience dining in total darkness! (It was weird but fun) We also had some good nights staying at home and watching TV. We watched ALL the X-MEN movies (including the bad ones), and a few amazing shows like Agatha All Along. I took a week off work during Christmas where we just played Sun Haven on the couch and watched Avatar the Last Airbender. We painted some new ornaments for the tree (Penguin and Gingerbread Man). We shared some really good bonding time. 💞
So 2024 was... good?
Well, it's mixed.
I'm still worried for humanity, but I've given myself permission to not have to save the world right now. If i can help make a safe space for the people I love, then that's good enough for now. ❤️
2024 was an amazing year for personal growth. I started a website, learned a ton about myself, and I'm deepening my connections with other human beings. Seeing all this stuff on one page gives me hope for next year.
So what about 2025?
With that in mind, these are my goals for 2025.
- continue updating my website and my blog
- participate in community events and pixel cliques
- make another game 🕹️ (game jam?)
- buy a house (hopefully 😬🤞)
- get my finances under control 💸
- continue going out and being social
- deepen existing friendships
- continue my therapy and integrate my sense of self
- show my true self to more people in my life
- develop better coping strategies for my executive function (eg. medication, reminders, etc)
- spend more time on things that are actually important to me
- reconnect to my romantic side ❤️
- make more dates and quality time with Ellie
- share experiences I like with people I love
If I can accomplish even a few of these goals, 2025 will be a good year! 🙂
This is my submission for the 32 bit cafe 32-Bit Cafe's Year In Review event .
Thank you to xandra and the entire team at 32-bit Cafe! Doing this exercise has given me a new appreciation for the good things that happened last year! 😊
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